Kamal Tolia & Lotus Healing Seva Group

Part 1 …… Giving and Love

Giving is natural to human nature. The gifts we exchange during Diwali, Id, Christmas and other culturally significant times are traditional norms which give us an opportunity to show we care. They bring us closer together.

The author O. Henry writes in his book: The Gift of the Magi, about a very poor couple who had no money to buy each other a Christmas gift. The man had a lovely watch that he cherished, but no chain to attach it to his coat. The wife had beautiful knee length long hair which she cherished, but no comb. The man secretly sells his watch to buy his wife a set of combs. At the same time, the wife secretly sells off her long hair to the wigmaker and buys a gold watch chain for her husband. The presents turned out to be of no use to both of them. But the thought behind the giving and the sacrifice they made for each other, speaks volumes about the deep love they had for each other.

Four thousand years ago, on hearing of Krishna’s coronation, Sudama, his childhood friend remembered that Krishna loved puffed rice. So he carried some for him. But when he saw Krishna seated on the throne, he hesitated. He even started to feel ashamed that he had brought such an ordinary gift for the King. But Krishna was not embarrassed in anyway, and seized the gift from Sudama and thoroughly enjoyed eating it! Once again, what comes through is that it is not the material value of the gift that is important, but the thought and the love behind it.

Whenever we love, we express our love by giving. The lover who buys his beloved a flower, the child who presents his mother with a beautiful paper necklace he learned to make in his craft class, the gift a brother gives his sister on Raksha Bandhan, a new car given by a rich parent as a graduation present to his child, all have one thing in common: they are expressions of love. The value of the article is immaterial.

Even the offering we make to the Lord when we go to the temple is an expression of our love for Him / Her. So if you love someone, show you care by Giving. Give freely from your heart. There is no better way of making sure your gift is a perfect one!

Kamal Tolia

Part 5 ……. The Art of Receiving

Who amongst us does not like receiving gifts? Receiving enriches us in more ways than in the material sense. It tells us that we are important to someone for them to give us a gift. It shows that they care for us.

How a gift is received varies in different cultures. As children we showed our happiness at receiving gifts by spontaneously giving a hug and / or kiss to the giver and tearing open the gift! As we grow older, we become a little reserved about displaying our gratitude, so we profess it with a thank you and maybe a hug before opening our gift. Then when we become adults a time comes when some of us just accept the gift, say a thank you, and put it away without opening it.

This behavior is especially true in an Asian i e Indian, Pakistani, Sri Lankan context, where to open your gift in front of the giver is considered ill mannered, even uncouth. It is put away and opened afterwards. This however, does not complete the circuit of Giving and Receiving. It leaves a big hole in the giver’s mind as to: Was the gift appropriate / liked? It is only when the receiver opens the gift upon receiving it, and spontaneously shows his gratitude and appreciation that the whole event is complete!

The art of gift wrapping in Japan is called tsusumu. Even the wrapping of the gift is done with love and care. So when the gift is given, the receiver opens the cover with great care too. Tearing it open shows no consideration for the spirit with which it was wrapped. Thus both the actual thing as well as the wrapper is respected, because they both reflect the love of the giver.

In certain cases, for example, your wedding party, it is not possible to open each present publicly. Writing a little thank you note to each one, saying how much you liked or enjoyed the book / dress / jewellery etc. goes a long way in showing that you care for the giver too.

Finally, there may come a time in your life when you do not want to accumulate any more material things especially if you have no use for them. At the same time, you do not want to refuse genuine gifting. Faizal, (name changed) for his 80^th birthday informed all his family members and friends in advance that what they wished to spend on a gift for him should be given to a charity in his name. In this way, 3 purposes were served: Giving, Receiving and Giving Again! The receiver ‘passes’ on the giving, and in the process becomes gratified at having helped a needy cause.

Truly, Giving and Receiving are two sides of a coin. One cannot exist without the other! And like the coin itself, they enrich our lives!

Kamal Tolia