Asking For Forgiveness

Part 7. Forgiveness for the Soul

About 30 years ago, in Hawaii, the state hospital had a high security ward. Here the patients were criminally insane. They had committed crimes like murder, rape, assault, molestations. They were detained in the ward because they were certified mentally ill with disorders like bipolar, schizophrenia, manic – depressive, etc. Or they were in the ward because their level of sanity had to be established before trial. In either case, they exhibited ‘mad’ behavior…..they were very aggressive towards the doctors, nurses and other hospital staff.

Each day, there were even reports of inmates attacking each other!

The situation was so bad, that the hospital staff had no choice but to keep them secluded even from each other. Strict measures had to be put in place to ensure their own safety and that of the staff. They had to be locked in their rooms so that they could not harm others. In the very worst of cases, sadly, the patients had to be shackled to their beds limiting their freedom completely!

Of course this sounds horrible! How can you treat sick people like animals?! But the truth of the matter was that these patients were so violent that the staff were even afraid to go to this special ward. They felt threatened. Many a doctor and nurse asked for immediate transfers when assigned to this mental ward.

And if the transfer did not come through, they asked for sick leave. And if even that was not granted, they simply resigned. Such was the fear attached to this section of the Hawaii State Hospital.

Enter Dr. Ihaleakala Hewlen. This doctor was assigned to this frightful ward in 1983. Dr. Hewlen was a very cheerful man. He went about his work, never losing his cool.

The staff watched the ever smiling Dr Hewlen … and mentally gave him a few weeks at most before his cheerfulness would be replaced by moroseness. Oh, they were sure that it would only be a matter of a few weeks, at the most a couple of months before the doctor would throw up his hands in despair and resign. History, they were sure would repeat itself as it had been doing all along …

But, SURPRISE, SURPRISE! NOT ONLY DID THE DOCTOR STAY ON AND NOT RESIGN, BUT THE PATIENTS STARTED TO GET BETTER! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? WHAT WAS GOING ON?

To know more, read on next week ……

Next week: Forgiveness Forgiveness for the Soul contd …

Kamal Tolia

Founder Member LHSG

Asking For Forgiveness … Part 6. Special Cases and Situations contd…

1. What if the mistake you made has been done in the past, say, a few years ago and life has continued as normal. Perhaps the other party does not even remember the incident. But you have introspected and realized you were hurtful. Or maybe you have just experienced how it feels to be hurt by another in a similar situation i.e the shoe is on the other foot. You now want to make amends. What do you do then? You can face the person/s and actually go through all the steps. But you know and I know, that this may not always be such a good idea. It may turn out beautifully well, or …. Horror of horrors! ….. it may backfire at you! The other person may not remember the situation normally, but when reminded of it, the old pain may resurface, and lead to more conflict! Then your whole exercise will have been in vain!

If you have the slightest doubt about the result, then do this: Just sit down quietly, introspect on your actions, understood where you were wrong, regret your actions, and then resolve not to repeat the action. AND THEN LET YOUR ACTIONS REFLECT THIS INNER RESOLVE — FROM NOW ON! 

2. What if the person you have wronged is no longer part of your life e. he /she no longer shares the same space with you. Maybe they are staying far away in the same town ….. or even on another continent? If the relationship is strained, and you know you are responsible, even partly, swallow your pride, call up the person, and go through steps 1-5. Or if calling is not an option, do it in a letter. Few are the people who will not forgive on receiving a written apology!

But once again, if you think that even writing will open up a can of worms, simply go through the steps privately.

3. Lastly, what if the person you have hurt is no longer alive? This is simple! Visualise the person, and just go through the steps in your mind. Then let the whole matter go. Let it go completely, from your mind. Will you be forgiven? YES! Our loved ones will ALWAYS forgive us even from ‘the other side’! 

This then is the principle of asking for forgiveness. In all cases, it is important that you wish to redress a wrong you have committed. Whether the other party forgives you or not is not in your hands. What is in your hands is that you have sincerely tried to apologise and change from inside.

Even God could not ask for more!

Next Week: Forgiveness For The Soul

Kamal Tolia

Founder Member

LHSG

Asking For Forgiveness …. Part 5. Special Cases and Situations

All that has been mentioned so far is about asking for forgiveness from one person in the present. What follows are guidelines for special cases and situations.

1. What if your action or words hurt more than one person or even a group of people together? This can happen at home or in the

In the home situation, it can lead to great unhappiness if not corrected. If possible, ask for forgiveness from all members at one go, or individually, it matters not. What does matter is that you take the steps to redress the wrong. The result will be worth the discomfort you might feel while asking for forgiveness.

As an employer or boss, you may have hurt your employees. You will probably be reluctant to admit to them that you were wrong. You may feel it will cost you loss of face big time! What do you do? I still maintain that going through the steps and admitting to your juniors that you were wrong is the way. You may have the fear that you will lose their respect if you apologise —- but don’t pay attention to that voice —-

it is only your ego trying to assert itself. Just take a deep breath and go through steps 1, 2, 3 and 4. Say you are sorry to have upset their feelings and say it genuinely.

You will be surprised at how easily you will be forgiven …. After all you are the boss! And the whole exercise will endear you to your colleagues and employees like nothing else will. You might even find that the bonding between all of you has strengthened to a new level of closeness and teamwork.

2. What if you are the older person and you have hurt a person younger than you. In the Indian context, a younger person is supposed to ask for forgiveness, never the other way around. But that according to me can become a breeding ground for discontent and resentment. Why should the younger person be made to feel wrong all the time, when the older person is clearly to blame? If you are the older person, be honest about the whole situation: is it you who committed the wrong? Is it? No If sand Buts! If the answer is yes, then take responsibility! Then as painful as it may be, face the other person, admit it, communicate your regret at your mistake, and make good the amends! Once again, you will be surprised at the result. It will probably surpass all your expectations! I am betting that not only will the younger person forgive you unreservedly, but they will love you forever!

Next week: Special Cases and Situations contd.

Kamal Tolia

Founder Member

Lotus Healing Seva Group