Kamal Tolia & Lotus Healing Seva Group

Part 3 …. Giving and Materialism

When we give, do we gift to others what would be useful to them? Do we pass on to them the gifts that we received but for which we have no use, knowing full well that they too will have no use for them? Do we give gifts just because we have to fulfill a social obligation? Or worse, do we give so that we can show off our status and wealth? And even worse: do we give so that we can outdo one another?

These are indeed sad reasons for giving. They will not bring the giver and the receiver any closer together. Gift giving must serve as a means of strengthening your relationship with the receiver. Sometimes it is the simplest gift that can be the most precious. When Mahatma Gandhi heard about the engagement of Prince Phillip to Princess Elizabeth, he sat down and spun them a tablecloth. When the Queen received this simple gift, she was so touched, it is said she locked it up with the crown jewels!

Our annual religious celebrations are great days to give gifts. But do not wait for these special days to show you care. If you see something that is absolutely suitable for someone, or that someone would love to have, or something that he / she has been looking for since a long time, then just go ahead and buy it for them! And then see the joy light up their face when they receive this unexpected gift!  So you will experience double joy: the joy of giving and the joy of making someone happy!

One of the most precious memories that stick out in Lalita’s (name changed) mind is when her family of four had just shifted into a residential estate, is that of a neighbour knocking on her door the first evening to deliver some homemade pizzas! So touched was she by this gift, that even 20 years later she cannot recall the event without tears of joy and gratitude in her eyes! The contents of the gift, the pizzas are not important. She does not remember much about what the pizzas looked like or what toppings they had!  What she remembers with clarity, is what the act made her feel! She has gone onto repeating the same act of generosity to other neighbours when they moved into the compound, carrying on the gift giving tradition!

Next week: Giving and Creativity

Kamal Tolia

Part 2 …. Giving and Generosity

Giving fosters Generosity. If we learn to give when we are little, we learn to become generous. A child that is encouraged to give to others finds the joy of giving and generosity automatically becomes part of his / her nature.

A mother I know encouraged her children to put aside the excess pocket money they had left at the end of the month. Over a few months it collected to a sizable amount for them to buy milk and bread to feed the street children near their school. In time they did not wait for the end of the month to put aside some money, they put aside some as soon as they received their pocket money at the beginning of the month. These children learned very early what it means to share and the joy of fulfillment that comes with it. They grew up to be very generous beings, giving freely to needy causes on a regular basis.

Sometimes we forget what it is to be generous. You can remind yourself by observing Nature. Spread some bird seed near a bush or tree in your garden. Observe how the birds in the bush or tree start chirping in excitement, informing their friends about the delicious meal spread out below. They never come alone to feed. They display their generous nature by inviting all their feathered friends to share the bounty.

Keeping the above in mind, people in the South of India are encouraged to give some food to the crow every day and observe him. Invariably the crow caws and caws loudly, calling his friends to share the morsel. The other crows swoop down and they all share the food together and then fly off to repeat the act somewhere else!

Giving is great for both the receiver and the giver. They love each other even more and it brings them closer together. When the giving is practised by both parties, they come close enough to experience oneness. That is the time we begin to feel that the other and I are one. I will then never gift to others what I would not like to receive. Along with becoming generous, I also become thoughtful in my Giving.

In summary, firstly, Giving helps you show you care. Secondly, it makes you Generous. And thirdly, you learn the golden rule: Give to others as you would have others Give to you.

Kamal Tolia

Part 1 …… Giving and Love

Giving is natural to human nature. The gifts we exchange during Diwali, Id, Christmas and other culturally significant times are traditional norms which give us an opportunity to show we care. They bring us closer together.

The author O. Henry writes in his book: The Gift of the Magi, about a very poor couple who had no money to buy each other a Christmas gift. The man had a lovely watch that he cherished, but no chain to attach it to his coat. The wife had beautiful knee length long hair which she cherished, but no comb. The man secretly sells his watch to buy his wife a set of combs. At the same time, the wife secretly sells off her long hair to the wigmaker and buys a gold watch chain for her husband. The presents turned out to be of no use to both of them. But the thought behind the giving and the sacrifice they made for each other, speaks volumes about the deep love they had for each other.

Four thousand years ago, on hearing of Krishna’s coronation, Sudama, his childhood friend remembered that Krishna loved puffed rice. So he carried some for him. But when he saw Krishna seated on the throne, he hesitated. He even started to feel ashamed that he had brought such an ordinary gift for the King. But Krishna was not embarrassed in anyway, and seized the gift from Sudama and thoroughly enjoyed eating it! Once again, what comes through is that it is not the material value of the gift that is important, but the thought and the love behind it.

Whenever we love, we express our love by giving. The lover who buys his beloved a flower, the child who presents his mother with a beautiful paper necklace he learned to make in his craft class, the gift a brother gives his sister on Raksha Bandhan, a new car given by a rich parent as a graduation present to his child, all have one thing in common: they are expressions of love. The value of the article is immaterial. Even the offering we make to the Lord when we go to the temple is an expression of our love for Him / Her.

So if you love someone, show you care by Giving. Give freely from your heart. There is no better way of making sure your gift is a perfect one!

Kamal Tolia

Having repeated the mantra ‘Anger is a destructive force in me, I do not need it and I do not want it.’ for a week we will have incorporated it in our consciousness and will be ready to make changes in our personality for the better. Follow the sequence of steps listed below whenever you are faced with a situation in which you might potentially ‘lose it’

1.    Observing self —-  Observe your moods and thoughts. Watch yourself, become aware when you start to get angry.

Notice: I am now getting angry.

I am going to lose control now.

Accept that you are going through these emotions, don’t deny them,  and don’t justify them

Affirm to yourself: I AM A CONSCIOUS BEING OF FREE WILL. I CHOOSE NOT TO BE CONTROLLED BY DESTRUCTIVE EMOTIONS LIKE ANGER. I WILL CHOOSE MY REACTION EACH TIME, IN EVERY SITUATION.

2.    Introspection: I am aware of the anger rising in me. I know that this will be hurtful to others and affect my health adversely. It can be very harmful. I must drop this anger emotion and choose a positive, helpful emotion.

3.      External analysis: This person has hurt/insulted/disobeyed me. Did he do that because he is frustrated? Is he worried about a sick person he has left at home or is he himself not well? Is he stressed about his job? Or is he deliberately being nasty to me? Whatever the reason, he is coming from a place of insecurity. He needs my understanding, my compassion. I will ignore what he did or say, or even better, I will smile at him, maybe pat his hand to show him I understand. I WILL CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE NOT TO GET ANGRY. I WILL CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE UNDERSTANDING, LOVE, COMPASSION.

The Result: Reacting with Love and Compassion automatically defuses a charged situation. It is impossible for a person to continue insulting or hurting another when all he gets from the other is Understanding. Soon the ‘angry moment’ will have passed, and you can pat yourself on the back because you succeeded in choosing the correct response in the situation

Practise these steps in every trying situation that crops up in your life and you will soon achieve success. You will become calmer and healthier. You will even reach a state in your life when you will be able to assist others on the road to mastery over their emotions.

Conquering anger in you will help you conquer other undesirable emotions in you. Above all, you will be rewarded with continued Peace of Mind, which is the perfect ground for bringing out the best in you in all situations.

Kamal Tolia