Asking For Forgiveness … Part 6. Special Cases and Situations contd…

1. What if the mistake you made has been done in the past, say, a few years ago and life has continued as normal. Perhaps the other party does not even remember the incident. But you have introspected and realized you were hurtful. Or maybe you have just experienced how it feels to be hurt by another in a similar situation i.e the shoe is on the other foot. You now want to make amends. What do you do then? You can face the person/s and actually go through all the steps. But you know and I know, that this may not always be such a good idea. It may turn out beautifully well, or …. Horror of horrors! ….. it may backfire at you! The other person may not remember the situation normally, but when reminded of it, the old pain may resurface, and lead to more conflict! Then your whole exercise will have been in vain!

If you have the slightest doubt about the result, then do this: Just sit down quietly, introspect on your actions, understood where you were wrong, regret your actions, and then resolve not to repeat the action. AND THEN LET YOUR ACTIONS REFLECT THIS INNER RESOLVE — FROM NOW ON! 

2. What if the person you have wronged is no longer part of your life e. he /she no longer shares the same space with you. Maybe they are staying far away in the same town ….. or even on another continent? If the relationship is strained, and you know you are responsible, even partly, swallow your pride, call up the person, and go through steps 1-5. Or if calling is not an option, do it in a letter. Few are the people who will not forgive on receiving a written apology!

But once again, if you think that even writing will open up a can of worms, simply go through the steps privately.

3. Lastly, what if the person you have hurt is no longer alive? This is simple! Visualise the person, and just go through the steps in your mind. Then let the whole matter go. Let it go completely, from your mind. Will you be forgiven? YES! Our loved ones will ALWAYS forgive us even from ‘the other side’! 

This then is the principle of asking for forgiveness. In all cases, it is important that you wish to redress a wrong you have committed. Whether the other party forgives you or not is not in your hands. What is in your hands is that you have sincerely tried to apologise and change from inside.

Even God could not ask for more!

Next Week: Forgiveness For The Soul

Kamal Tolia

Founder Member

LHSG

Asking For Forgiveness …. Part 5. Special Cases and Situations

All that has been mentioned so far is about asking for forgiveness from one person in the present. What follows are guidelines for special cases and situations.

1. What if your action or words hurt more than one person or even a group of people together? This can happen at home or in the

In the home situation, it can lead to great unhappiness if not corrected. If possible, ask for forgiveness from all members at one go, or individually, it matters not. What does matter is that you take the steps to redress the wrong. The result will be worth the discomfort you might feel while asking for forgiveness.

As an employer or boss, you may have hurt your employees. You will probably be reluctant to admit to them that you were wrong. You may feel it will cost you loss of face big time! What do you do? I still maintain that going through the steps and admitting to your juniors that you were wrong is the way. You may have the fear that you will lose their respect if you apologise —- but don’t pay attention to that voice —-

it is only your ego trying to assert itself. Just take a deep breath and go through steps 1, 2, 3 and 4. Say you are sorry to have upset their feelings and say it genuinely.

You will be surprised at how easily you will be forgiven …. After all you are the boss! And the whole exercise will endear you to your colleagues and employees like nothing else will. You might even find that the bonding between all of you has strengthened to a new level of closeness and teamwork.

2. What if you are the older person and you have hurt a person younger than you. In the Indian context, a younger person is supposed to ask for forgiveness, never the other way around. But that according to me can become a breeding ground for discontent and resentment. Why should the younger person be made to feel wrong all the time, when the older person is clearly to blame? If you are the older person, be honest about the whole situation: is it you who committed the wrong? Is it? No If sand Buts! If the answer is yes, then take responsibility! Then as painful as it may be, face the other person, admit it, communicate your regret at your mistake, and make good the amends! Once again, you will be surprised at the result. It will probably surpass all your expectations! I am betting that not only will the younger person forgive you unreservedly, but they will love you forever!

Next week: Special Cases and Situations contd.

Kamal Tolia

Founder Member

Lotus Healing Seva Group

Asking For Forgiveness Part 4. Step 7 contd:

Last week we mentioned Quantum Physics which is the study of physical phenomena at microscopic scales. According to this branch of physics, we are all connected with each other ….. humans, plants, animals. Every cell, molecule, every atom and sub atomic particle is connected every other cell, atom and subatomic particle in the Universe.

So our hurtful actions to one person will, by extension, cause pain to all sentient beings in the universe. Therefore, asking for forgiveness from the person we know we have hurt is not enough. True forgiveness will be ours only after we have healed the pain we have caused in the world. How do you ask for forgiveness from all of humanity, all sentient beings, and all that lives and breathes? Do we apologise to everyone we meet?. or call up people we know, and then, a propos of nothing say … ‘by the way, I am sorry I hurt you?

….. Not quite. Such actions, however well intentioned, will leave the other party quite bewildered. They may even find them quite amusing and funny! No, this is definitely not going to take us far in our quest for total forgiveness!

One way of addressing this issue is to realize that the sorrow we have caused even one person has contributed to the collective sorrow in the world. If we want to be truly forgiven, we must atone for our actions’. We can do this by making a vow not to repeat this mistake AND make every effort to minimize the world sorrow to which we have contributed. We do this by doing as much good as we can, as often as we can, by doing acts of charity, seva, etc.

So give and give freely and give from the heart. Give with the knowledge that you are trying to redress a wrong to which you have consciously or unconsciously contributed to, in this life time or previous ones. This gives a new meaning to the reason why every religion and culture lays so much emphasis on giving …..

So in a nut shell, here are the steps:

1. Ehsaas …. The Realisation that you have wronged, and that you are responsible for hurting another.

2. Pashchataap. Regret your action and the pain you have caused the other……

3. Face the other party, express your regret and say you are Sorry! …..

4. Ask for Forgiveness!….

5. Resolve not to repeat the action again

6. Prayashchit, make amends….. 7. Atone for your actions to the Universe!

This concludes the procedure for asking for forgiveness! Followed sincerely, it enhances our chances of being truly forgiven!

Next week: Special cases and situations

Kamal Tolia

Founder Member

Lotus Healing Seva Group