Part 4 Blame versus Responsibility
In all cases of domination, the one who is controlled starts to feel a victim. The one who controls may do it with or without realizing it. If he realizes it, he may use his power to control the victim even more.
Since the one who controls is happy with the status quo, he will not want to change it in any way. It is in the interest of the one who feels victimized to do something to change the situation. First of all, you must stop blaming the other for what is happening to you. Second, you must take responsibility for two things: that knowingly or unknowingly you have allowed the situation to become what it is and that you have the power to change it.
It is very easy to blame the people, circumstances and events for how you feel and for what has happened to you. But that is in the past. It is history. What have you done about it? Have you played along to their tune and in doing so done the same injustice to yourself as they have done to you? This is a very bad state of affairs as both the other and you are inflicting the pain on one person which is YOU!! You have become your own enemy! No wonder it is easy for others to continue treating you like dirt.
Louise Hay writes in her book The Power is Within you, ‘Blame is about giving away your power. Responsibility gives us power to make changes in our lives’
What is this power we are talking about? In simple terms it is the power to say NO when we want to say NO and the power to say YES when we want to say YES!!
This is not easy to do when we have been in the fear cycle for a long time. But it is also the only action which will release us from this cycle. Like all changed behaviours, it cannot be accomplished in a day. It has to start with a small step towards asserting yourself. Although this may sound impossible at this stage, have patience, and soon an opportunity will rise when you will be able to take a stand for yourself.
Be brave, have the faith to know that this change in attitude from you will make a difference. The daughter in law who voices her disagreement, the grown adult who quietly asserts to his parents that he is no longer a child and can think and decide on his own, the married man who starts to take independent decisions for his family, and the old parents who stand up for themselves when they quietly express their feelings about the ill treatment have one thing in common ————- they are a huge attempt by the victims to show they are not prepared to take things lying down.